Lumpy Custard- Pt 3 - ...And Back Again...

So how do you move on from all of this...?

How does one even begin to get one's head around everything in situations like these... the times when it feels like one step forward, 3 steps back?

In no particular order, I'd like to share with you some tools and techniques that have helped me/us head back up out of the valley again, and keep the Black Dog from venturing out too far again.

1. Feelings:  Again... acknowledge how you feel. And check in with others that are going through it with you; chances are, they're battling the same feelings and emotions that you are. In the last few weeks, I've had a few mini-meltdowns (and I'm anticipating a few more over the next few months). In talking it through with someone, I  discovered I wasn't the only one trying to hold it all together.

2. Talk It Out: It's not only the strong silent types that keep things hidden; sometimes the chatterboxes can be so good at using the constant diatribe as a cover for what's really going on. When I went through my depressive episode last year, I decided it was time I sought professional help, with a group called Supporting Families in our local city, which I found so helpful.  Sometimes, even though you know the answers, you just need someone to kick the guide wheel back on track, and confirm what you knew you know... you know?   

3. Know Your Limits - You're Not Responsible For Fixing Everything/One:  Remember me saying about the plumber with the leaky tap? The Awesome Dude gave me some terrific feedback for that... "It's not your job to fix it."

Wow.

Just having someone say that lifted such a weight from me. I cried. A little bit.

4. Play To Your Strengths: How do you operate? Are you practical-minded? Hands-on? A planner? All of the above plus/or something more? Awesome! Use those skills to sort out your next steps. Me, I'm a list-gal who will never lose my admin skills - I hope.. However it works for you, use your talents/skills to break those mountains down to hills, then to molehills - one Breath at a time, one Step at a time, one Day at a time.

5. Make Time For The Things That Matter:  

- Work to live, don't live to work - you can be replaced in a job, but you're irreplaceable to those who love you. 

- Take those walks. Never underestimate the peace that can be gained from sitting under a tree, or walking on the beach by the soothing or raging water - the power of nature can sometimes match our moods, and is somehow therapeutic. (Gotta work on this one...)

- Pet the pets. Our fur/scaly/feather-babies need us too. I have found it very difficult to visit Yuki at the house, as it's so hard to leave her behind. But she will be joining us shortly, soooooo looking forward to that 😍😻
- Feed Your Soul and Your Mind. Read the books that carry you away, listen to the music that floats your boat. And try not to rely too much on gaming and technology for your entertainment. (Still working on this one, too...)
- Laugh!! Try not to lose your sense of humour, I can't think of a quicker way to go doolally!

6. Don't Lose Sight Of What Matters. And that's got three letters - Y.O.U.
Sometime in the last couple of years, I had an epiphany. A light-bulb moment.  I woke up one day, and wondered why I had been feeling so low and down for so long. And I realised that there were people and events that kept popping back into my thoughts and mind that no longer had a need to be there. So I made a conscious effort to evict them. I also realised that my depression was due mainly to situational circumstances, and that I had the power to choose how I respond.

Do you have any idea just how liberating that is?? It's not just some cheesy psych advice, it Really Does Work! Since then, I'm off my meds, and am using some CBT methods to keep things more under control.  I use more natural products, such as magnesium, EPO and hemp seed oil (or should I say, I take 'em when I remember). It seems to be working, and even during  the recent challenges, I haven't felt the need to reach for the meds again (even though the thought may have crossed my mind a time or three). 

I AM IN NO WAY ADVOCATING that anyone stops taking their medication if it is helping you. I made a decision that seems to be working for me... my GP is aware of it, so it's all above board.  I prefer to find a natural alternative wherever possible, but I'm not adverse to medication if need be.


7.  Connect.  For introverts like me, this is a bit of a difficult one, especially when all you want to do is hibernate.  But connecting doesn't need to mean hosting a dinner party for 20, or anything like that; it can be on social media, phone/video calls, meeting up for coffee (even if it is to toast a crap-crap-crappy week, as happened last week with). Even smiling at a random stranger in the street, or random acts of kindness can have a 2-way boost - great way to get a dose of the warm fuzzies for a while to shine a momentary light into the darkness.

So now, it's onwards and upwards! Life is moving forward again, albeit rather slowly, and all the while remaining aware that COVID-19 is out there... lurking... in the shadows... somewhere...

Does any of this sound familiar? How do you deal with stressful situations?  

Please feel free to leave a comment below, I'd love to hear some techniques that help you from the valley back up to the peak again.

We got our kitty back!! She was so pleased to be back with us,
that she was lapping up the love as much as she could between her staff snoozing

Lumpy Custard - Pt 2 - Into the Valleys...

...All was going swimmingly; the room has a lovely new colour scheme, and new carpet put in. All we needed was the electrician to hook all the leccy back up, and it would be time to regain some semblance of normality.

Or would it...?

Imagine, if you will... halfway through your first shift back (27/2) after your weekly two days (midweek) off, you get a phone call from your Significant Other:

"Is your supervisor there tonight?"

"Why's that?"

"The house is on fire."

"WHAT?!?!"

That was our reality, not imagination.

Wookieeman and MIL had been watching a DVD in our flat, when he heard popping noises, and discovered her kitchen ablaze. I won't go into too much detail right now, but suffice to say, life has certainly changed for us. Everyone survived with no injuries, including our cat. Emotionally, there is a huge impact for everyone, including our cat.  Because we're currently staying with other people, we decided to leave her at the house, as it's somewhere she knows, and moving her to a cattery would be too traumatic for her. We feed her every day, and spend time with her when we can, so she's ok for now.

So... what now? 

All our human family members are staying with friends, who are helping us find some short-term accommodation, while the house is repaired/rebuilt  - whatever insurance deems to be required.

Suffice to say, there have been one or two (!) learning opportunities from all of the "life events":

Good family and friends are invaluable.  There are times when you realise how isolated you allow yourself to become - be it socially, or any other way.  And with those realisations come the sometimes daunting fact that this is, indeed, not a good thing, although it may seem like it at the time.  But even then, you really do learn who hasn't given up on you and have remained faithfully in the shadows, ready to take hold of an outstretched hand in your time of need.  Praise God, we can testify to that; from our DP, to BFT, to The Awesome Dude, to the Crafty One. All of whom have their own issues going on, but still let us know in now uncertain terms that they are here for us.  Our neighbours and friends who helped us with accommodation in the aftermath of the fire. Friends who set up a Givealittle page for MIL. It is difficult to verbally express the depth of our gratitude.

Even the strong can be weak... and that's totally ok.             

Read. That. Again.
          

You cannot be the strong independent type 24/7. That's a great way to go doolally.  Instead,  dissolving into a puddle occasionally over the slightest or biggest thing is not only okay, it's essential.

Speaking from experience, here.

And let's not forget about the anger; the frustration; the grief; the sense of loss and devastation. All of which are perfectly valid and completely normal for us mere mortals. There's no avoiding those emotions... just be sure that you're only there on a Visitor's Visa, not applying for residency.

"But remember that there's always someone who's had it tougher."  Totally agree with that!  But that DOES NOT MEAN that your genuine challenges/struggles/ up-against-the-wall moments are any less important. (WookieeMan reminded me of that one morning after a mini-meltdown.)

So how do you move from all of this...?

Lumpy Custard - Pt 1 - From Peaks...

Heads Up:  This post may not be as up-beat as previous ones, and may contain trigger warnings...


Oh me, oh my...Stop The World and Let Me Off... please? For 5 Minutes...?


I wonder how many of us would welcome that chance, if it was a real thing? And how many of us would actually get back on after that 5 minutes?


It's been a while since I touched base with y'all. There is Life that Needs to be Lived, and all that jazz. But sometimes that Life can reeeaaallly Suck the Kumara - y'know what I mean? It can leave an oil slick that Danny Zuko and the T-Birds would be proud of - one that not only sends you face-first into the closest cactus collection, but also leaves a stain as wide as the Sahara Desert.


Since our last catch-up,

• I started working as a support worker in Mental Health Residential Services - which comes with its own challenges
• I got older - duh
• I had major surgery that didn't go quite as smoothly as it could have, at the time
• I've done my best to support someone extremely close to me as they battled to come back from not one but two pretty big MH crises, approximately 6 months apart
• ... but my crowning glory would have to be damaging not one but both ankles at once and ending up on crutches for several weeks

Out of all of these, I think the toughest one to deal with would have to be the MH crises.


My Loved One (MLO) struggled with extremely low mood and suicidal thoughts towards the end of 2018 - to the point where they self-harmed in front of me.


WOAH.


Thankfully, superficial wounds only, but still enough to add another 3 dozen grey hairs to the collection in one foul swoop.


Support Worker mode kicks in. I contact the local MH Crisis Team - but that in itself is a story for another time; utilise some tools to help MLO head back toward the right track; encourage and support them to access the help that is needed, in the form of counselling; and call on a select few close friends and family for support.


Fast-forward to the last week of March 2019. Same Loved One. Low mood for a few weeks. Admits they have been having The Thoughts again for a few days, and verbalises what they've been thinking of doing. So now it's down tools, rearrange life for the next few days, and turn into The Shadow again.


Now, you may be thinking something along the lines of "hey - you're a MH support worker, you know how to deal with this sort of schtick", yeah?


Yes. Yes I can. And I have - but not with someone so close to me to this extent. I even attended a day-long Suicide Prevention workshop in 2018. But this is one of those times, that I feel more like a plumber who can't fix my own pipes. Sometimes in life, you just gotta bite the bullet and ask for help. And in this instance, our knight in shining armour came in the form of a very dear friend and Awesome Dude who took time out of a busy schedule to come and chill out over a cuppa and provide absolutely awesome - and practical - support. For more than two hours. This AD shared the wisdom gleaned over the years from their own life encounters with the Black Dog. Happily, MLO has responded well, and has made significant steps in the right direction.  One of the main techniques MLO found so useful is the White Wolf/Black Wolf.  And we're extremely pleased that the White Wolf is well fed. 

Yours Truly, however, has had yet another first-hand encounter with the physical, emotional and mental impact of being up-close-and-person in this kind of situation.

Nausea. Low mood. Teary-slash-quietly-bawling at the drop of a hat. Head feeling like it doesn't belong to me. And sleep? What's that?  But the REALLY fun part... let's add into the mix The Big Change... you know, girls, the one that comes complete with temperature changes, etc...?

This time around, I took a couple of days off work to take some time to get myself sorted. I came to the conclusion that the job I was in at the time was one of my major stressors, and one of the clients was just so good at pushing everyone's buttons - one out of the box, this one. So after talking things over with WookieeMan, it was decided to say bye-bye to my work in that role after a little more than 2 years.  When I ended up in ED with chest pains and reeeaaallly hig blood pressure twice within a few days, however - I brought my finishing date forward by two weeks.  I heard through the grapevine that the on-site supervisor at the time was less than happy about that, but my priorities had changed, and health and well-being were more important.

That was in June 2019.

Back into the Tardis and jump forward to now - March 2020.

I started my new job in the call centre for a security firm in October.  Getting paid to talk on the phone... yup, I can do that!  Between then and now, things were settled and life was getting back into cruise control.

Notice that W-word in there?

About two weeks before Christmas, two weather bombs a week apart revealed that our bedroom roof could no longer sustain torrential downpours. So it was time to move out of the bedroom and into the lounge, while the room was dried out via insurance, then move back in for a week or two before repairs were carried out; this time, we moved all our bedroom furniture into the MIL's lounge, and we slept in her spare room. All was going swimmingly; the room had a lovely new colour scheme, and new carpet was put in. All we needed was the electrician to hook all the switches back up, and it would be time to regain some semblance of normality.

Or would it...?