Yes, That's Life - But It's Never All It Seems

Michael Buble sings about it; someone made a board-game about it; and let's not forget the COUNTLESS movies, documentaries, games, etc, etc about it.  Yep, life can be a very prosperous money-maker for a lot of people. But not everyone.

There's an adage that says "kids should come with a handbook". Oh, if only!!!  What a money-spinner that would be!!!  But who thinks that life needs one, too?  Me!!

For some people, their handbook is the Bible; indeed, the Word of God is absolutely chocka with guidelines for so many different aspects of living.  For others, they might turn to self-styled gurus who have the multi-million-dollar lifestyles paid for by their TV shows and hundreds of books. And others yet might seek advice from friends and/or family.

If you have seen my previous "life" post, you would have noticed it provided a glimpse into the chicky behind the Goof.  And, as with everyone else, there is a back story to that person.

The cute photos hid an extremely dysfunctional family life, the shadow of which continued right through to adulthood.  They don't show the reality of a deeply shy little girl, and young woman, who struggled to make friends and have rgular peer relationships; a girl who was such a sook that if anyone looked at her the wrong way, she'd go crying to her older sister.  Nor do they depict the child who was a Daddy's girl, until someone told him he was too soft with her, so he went to the opposite extreme.  The comments about my love of food are quite correct.  Comfort eating was my friend, my way of dealing with the loneliness, bullying, and fighting at home, as well as subsequent issues in adulthood, including depression.  As to be expected, the weight went on, and wasn't letting go without a fight.  It's something I still struggle with, but now I'm comin' out swingin' at it!!

Don't get me wrong, my formative years weren't all doom and gloom.  It just seemed that way.  Materially, we had everything we needed, and a lot of what we wanted.  I'm the first to admit that I was a spoilt brat when I was a kid, and still was spoilt - although not as much - right up to when my mother passed on 5 years ago.  But the emotionally nurturing that we really needed wasn't there; it was a home of anger, control and fear, not love.

Which led me to vow that when I became a mother, I would make sure that my kids would not have the same kind of upbringing.  And I hope I acheived that goal.  We certainly had our struggles as the offspring grew and developed to adulthood.  But certain health issues helped to develop an incredible bond between us that still stand strong to this day.  And I am extremely pleased with that. Life as a single parent meant that I couldn't provide everything we wanted, but that was a good thing, because we learnt

• (a) to make do with what we had, and don't be too proud to accept a helping hand; and 
• (b) that material possessions don't matter as much as we think.

Gosh, that all seems really depressing, doesn't it?  And that's only some of it.  But I promise it's not all gloomy-gus fodder.  In fact, there have been a whole lot of positive stemming from what was seemingly a life-time of negatives.




For example, my faith.

The Bible classes I went to in primary school was the fertile ground that the mustard seed was planted in.  A brief sojourn into the New Age spiritual arena as an adult helped me realise that wasn't for me.  Ironically, it was becoming a single mum that helped me get my foot in the door of the Salvation Army - and I was on my way.

Now, some 20+ years down the track, I'm a baptised, bible-studying, psalm-singin' Christian, who owes a whole lot to my Heavenly Father for not giving up on a sinner like me.  HALLELUJAH!!!

And then there's friendship.

When I was younger, all I wanted was to be popular, and have a lot of friends.  Now I know it's not that important.  I can count the number of really good friends I have on ten fingers or less: some from high school,  some from churches, some from that great university of life - including My Wonderful WookieeMan.  Oh, there are quite a few aquaintences, but only a few that I know I can turn to in the not-quite-so-rosy times.

So BlondeFT, BodyGuard, Baroness, FarmGirlScout, Crafty, WookieeMan - I thank you all for your friendship and support, and your help along the way over the years to becoming the Goof I am today. Love you all in my own way.



 

Let's see, what else is there...?  Oh yeah - the lessons

No matter where we come from, no-one is immune to problems or struggles.  There isn't one person in this great big ol' world of ours that hasn't been touched by something:- whether it be health or financial issues, dysfunction in family or relationship, unemployment, homelessness; everyone from presidents and royalty, celebrities and politicians, millionaires and professionals, right on down to the person at the food bank or soup kitchen. 

I had a timely reminder of this the other day, in the supermarket.  There was a family of three adults and 2 young children.  One of the adults was keeping the kids entertained in the trolley, the problem was that their squeals of glee were just that - squeals, bordering on screams and shrieks.  It seemed that no matter where I was in the supermarket, they weren't that far away, and it was really starting to get to me a bit.

Halfway through my shopping, I noticed that there was something different about this group:  two of the adults were using sign language.  I found that that the whole family - including the kids - had some level of deafness.  But if I hadn't stopped to ask them about the signing (and communicate with them in my very ultrabasic NZSL), I never would have known.  It made a big difference, and the two littlies gave me such beaming smiles and waves when they saw me again at the checkouts.

Everyone has a story - but unless we take a chance to find out, we just don't know what it is.  And so we go on in our own judgemental way.

~//~

Well, it's nearly that time of year again.  Only a few more sleeps till December 25.  The Silly Season; commemoration of Jesus' birth; a time to eat, drink and/or be merry; be with family and friends.  Whatever you do this holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah, or just let the day go by with no special acknowledgment, I wish you all a very safe and happy festive season, and a very prosperous 2015.  God bless you all.

 

Mere Kirihimete!!                    

Merry Christmas!

Y'all come back now, y'hear?!

That's Life!! (So Far...)

It's interesting how, at certain points in our life, we tend to get a bit retrospective; perhaps even a tad whimsical.  In a few months time, I hit another milestone - half a century on God's earth.  So I invite you now to come with me on a brief trip through my lifetime - 49 years worth, at least.

Lets start with the fan-tastical year of 1965, when this little cutie made an appearance :-)

We lived in a small hydro-electric village in the country, where my father worked as a station operator; I had a teddy-bear named Boo-Boo, who came everywhere with me.  And I still have him (although he's packed away somewhere now).  Can't remember much else from back then, so...


Onwards and upwards to circa-1969: 
My mother insisted on doing my hair in ringlets, which I strongly disliked;
Neil Armstrong set foot on our lunar satellite;  from all accounts, Bryan Adams had a fantastic "Summer of '69"; black-and-white TV; 33's, 45's and 78's; and it was the year before this wee lass endured her traumatic start to school life.
It was also around this time I was discovering I reeeeaaaalllyyy liked to sing :-D
And I liked food.

Around about 4 years later, 1973-ish:
Lassie, The Banana Splits, My Three Sons on TV (my life was centered around the goggle box); The French were nuclear testing in French Polynesia;  NZ entertainment was boosted by Mr Gumboots himself, Fred Dagg; Norm Kirk was Prime Minister; and I had my favourite Beatle Boots (a whole lot better than the white knee high socks and black lace-up shoes I had to wear!) 
Taking my mug to school for a cup of cocoa in the winter; later on, fish-and-chip lunches - it was a big deal to order your lunch at school; films in the library.  My love of music and drama was relatively well established by now (much to my family's pain).  I think it was around this time that I also started going to Bible Class one day a week after school, as well as Bible-in-Schools.  My journey towards Christianity had begun!  
It was also during these formative years, that I was an easy target for bullies - something that would continue for years; but I could always buy a spot in the 4-square line by trading my play-lunch, that was usually my mother's home cooking.
And in a few years time, thanks to some kids in my class, it would be revealed that I simply CAN NOT ABIDE SNAKES!!!!
But I still liked food. 


 
In 1976: 
McD's opened it's first restaurant in NZ, five years after Kentucky Fried Chicken; protests against apartheid and nuclear power were regular occurences;
Dad applied for a transfer, and we moved to an even smaller village.  This photo shows the entire school population.  There was no Bible class or Bible-in-Schools here.
And yup - I still loved food (which was starting to really show by now).

Moving right along, to 1978-82:
High school!!
To say I wasn't the brightest student in school would be a understatement :-p  I was more interested in detective stories like Nancy Drew, Trixie Belden and The Hardy Boys.  But I did make a few good friends, two or three of which I can still count among my small circle.  In fact, I just reconnected with one last week, and it was one of the greatest moments of my year.
My love of music continued, thanks to our school orchestra (I played violin, then viola - not greatly), and our school choir.  This book worm could also be found in the school library almost every lunch time.

Time marches on... After school, it was out into the big scary world;  I learnt to drive, had a few jobs, and joined the Scout movement as an Assistant Cub Leader.  This helped me get through some long periods of unemployment, and I learnt a lot of skills at the same time.  I was able to continue with leadership when I moved to the big city, and eventually back to my coastal home town. 

Eventually, I met a guy who would become my first husband, and father of my offspring.  An interesting and very enlightening period, which came to an end after about 7 years.

Life as a single mum was nothing if not challenging.  But I believe that for everything that happens, there is a lesson to be learnt:  it's what you do with that lesson that matters - you can let it make you, or break you.  And I chose to let it make me.  Not an easy choice, but it sure beats the alternative!!

Over the years between then and now, we moved to H-Town, where I got administration work in the local hospital.  Which is where I encountered an interesting individual known in this forum as WookieeMan.  A man with a passion for work, and heart for God.  And thankfully, he found room there for us.
And as you can see, I still reeeaaallly loved food.  And it loved me so much it didn't want to leave :-)

So, there it is - a very brief glimpse of my journey thus far.   Deliberately brief.  On purpose.  Oh, I do intend to expand on certain aspects... but that will be another story.

Till then...

y'all come back now, y'hear

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  

"Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.  

 Plans to give you hope and a future."

- Jeremiah 29:11

What To Do, What To Do?

When it comes to making decisions, I've yet to come across anyone who's a better ditherer than me.  Seriously.  It doesn't matter whether it's Do I Want A Snack With My Latte?; What Snack Shall I Have?; Do I Want This Brand, Or Shall I Try That Once 'Cos It's Cheaper?; these can be very big choices to make.

I'm sure I've frustrated (and amused) a fair few people over the years - not to mention, myself - with my wonderful indecisive skills:
"What fragrance do you like?"  That's easy - I'm a sucker for Jasmine and Vanilla - not the sickly cheap stuff, though.  Least fave?  Lavender.
"What's your favourite colour?" Now, that's NOT so easy.  It depends on the context; are we talking roses? That can get very complex - not fussed on plain red ones, but I am quite partial to pastel shades, or fiery sunsets, or deep blood red ones.
Anything else, like clothes, or just plain colours in general - nah, let's not go there just now.
A pearler of a question that gets thrown around at interviews:  "How would you react in this particular kind of situation?"  I know how I would LIKE to react.  In the past I have handled it in such-and-such a way, but I don't know for sure until I'm IN that particular kind of situation, because every time can be different.  

But in the grander scheme of things, there are other decisions to be made:  how will we choose to respond in different situations?  Such as, "I know Fred really won't be happy if I buy this little skull-and-crossbones jewellery box to go with the other 2,351 I've got at home, and we REALLY don't have the spare $350 for it... but it's just SOOO adorable!!"  So you buy it, and sure enough, Fred really isn't happy - for the stated reasons.

And then there's some biggies.  "I know my underage child's equally underage friends drink alcohol, and there's a high chance that could happen while he/she's there.  Do I let them go, or shall I be the proverbial stick-in-the-mud, and say No You're Not Going, I'm Going To Keep You Safe From The World"; "You only have your learner's licence, you are NOT going out driving with your friends at 11 o'clock on Friday night!" "But, Mum - everyone does it!!"

And there it is.  The good ol' "everyone does it" phrase that our kids love to throw at us.  But just because "everyone else" does it doesn't make it right.  That is one thing that DP (hopefully) took on board whilst growing up.

We shouldn't have to go along with the crowd, and with so-called societal values, just to make everyone around us happy, or to be cool.**  General rule of thumb:  if it doesn't feel right, and it goes against your morals and principles - don't do it.  The kids may gripe and moan, and maybe call you all the names under the sun (I have so been on the receiving end of that!),  but no matter how bad you may feel about it - it's so important that we stick to our guns - as long as the focus is to keep people safe.  "About the only thing a man can really call his own are his values" - Col. S Potter, MASH 4077.  We still need to let our kids grow, and experience life (within reason), so that they can learn to make their own good decisions; if we don't, they can tend to run riot a bit and end up in all sorts of situations. 

I have an interesting situation at the moment, where someone felt I was snubbing them - for 3 months.  It got to the stage where this person even spoke to a counsellor friend.  The thing is - I wasn't snubbing anyone!  It was a time where things were happening, and I may been distracted, or changing directions, or some such thing.  Around about the same time, a mutual aquaintance wanted to play a practical joke on this same person, but I cautioned them against it, because I knew they were not in a good place at the time.  That's all I said.  This person decided that I was blabbing about their personal business, and they'd been subjected to that too many times, and that's it - no more trusting people, thank you very much. The sad thing about it is that (a) I didn't blab - no details about anything were revealed - and (b) when they finally told me about both issues, the subject was not open for discussion. "It doesn't matter anymore, I'm over it now" was the response I got when trying to broach it.  A friendship down the tubes.

So now I'm in the awkward position of trying to figure out what to do.  From a Christian perspective, the Bible says to turn the other cheek; love your enemies; forgive and forget; and before trying to take the splinter from our brother's eye, to remove the log from your own eye.  From a human perspective, it's like "what the h-e-double-toothpick just happened here??  Did someone get the details of that tank that just ran over me??"

We're not responsible for other people's reactions.  Ultimately, I know that how this person chooses to respond is a matter of their perception, and their decision.  That doen't make it hurt any less, though. Dilemma, dilemma...

A friend of mine had a very good way of stopping me in my tracks when I was in the middle of a rant.  He'd calmly listen, and when I took a breather, he would say to me, "... where does it fit into the greater scheme of things?"  I can still hear him, and see his grin when he knew he'd taken the wind out of my sails.  But he's right.  I found it a useful yardstick many times.

But no matter what path or options we choose, there is always one thing we need to bear in mind:  we'd better be prepared for the outcomes that inevitably follow.  If I choose the piece of White Chocolate Oaty Caramel Slice to go with the Single Shot Latte with Trim Milk and 1 Stevia, then there's a good chance it will blow my healthy eating regime for the week and have an insidious weight gain (especially if I indulge in my weaknesses for PASTRY and CHOCOLATE).

When our friends/loved ones are going through trials, we can choose to get along side them and take their problems on in a personal way (been there, done that); we can distance ourselves and watch them struggle and/or sink (especially if it seems to be an on-going saga); or we can let them know we are there for them to help in anyway we can, BUT don't do everything for them - let them take the lead.


"If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always got."  OR, we could dare to be different and check out what else life has to offer :-)

Y'all come back now, y'hear ?!    xoxo








(** Feel free to check out "Who Says Society Says" for more on this topic, if you haven't already)

That C-Word (Not the One You Think!!!)

You meet someone in the street.  Maybe it's a friend from days gone by.  Over a coffee and danish in a nearby cafe, you start a long catch-up session. 

"So what are you doing with yourself these days?" your friend enquires.  "Well, among other things, I'm a Christian," you reply.

And there it is.  The C-word.  One that can change the atmosphere quicker than you can blink.  A word that can evoke one of several possible responses:  either, "hey, that's really awesome!! Me too!!  Where and when?"; or perhaps, "oh okay.  I'm not, so just keep it to yourself, than-you-very-much-ta."  Or maybe even, "gosh, look at the time!!  Must dash, I'm late for my lobotomy! (ahem!) Lovely (ahem!) to see you again." 

"Another bible basher - here we go again!!"  Please just hear me out, okay? It may seem that way, but that's not what this is about.  

What is it about that particular word that can create such strong reactions like that?  What does it mean?  The Oxford dictionary defines it as "Relating to or professing Christianity or its teachings."  Well, that explains everything - not!  I can't speak for everyone who professes to follow Jesus, but I can give you my personal take on it.

You see, I believe that over 2,000 years ago, Jesus Christ died on the cross at Calvary.  He did this to pay the price for sinners like us, so that when we pass on from this world, we will live with Him for eternity in Heaven with other believers.  It means that from when I was baptised, I went into the water a sinner, and came out in a new life.  It means that my old way of life is gone, I now try and live according to the laws of God (Ten Commandments), and am guided by the Word of God (the Bible).

Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, huh?  Not in this lifetime, it ain't!!

Now, IN PLAIN ENGLISH...  

If anyone tries to tell you that once you become a Christian, life will be a breeze, you'll have everything you want, yada-yada-yada... smile politely and walk in the opposite direction.  Because it isn't.  But it is... better.  I feel a lot more laid back and mellow than I used to be.  Sure, there are still the challenges - such as illnesses, challenges (oh yes!!), financial struggles, employment issues... you name it, they are still there.  But now we have a whole new guide to help us deal with them.  Personally, I found Jesus' Sermon On The Mount fantastic, and so enlightening.  Heaps of neat stuff, like the Beatitudes - you know, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth..." and other pearls like that.  You can read it for yourself in Mathew Chapters 5 to 7. See, even though He is the Son of God, Jesus knew what life was like.  That's why he lived among men for 33 years. 

There's a lot of people who say, "look, I'm sweet! I'm a good person, I help old ladies cross the street and give to charity.  God'll let ME into Heaven, that's for sure!  I don't need anything else!"
I wish it were that easy;  I've known about the Lord since I was a child, but didn't realise it takes more than that, and that I actually needed Him until well into adulthood.

Let me put it another way.  Every situation has pros and cons, yeah?  OK, let's look at those.  Hmmm, where to start...?  I'm a firm believer in "leave the best for last", so let's start with the "cons":

1.  Barriers go up with a lot of people, who for some reason, have embraced atheism in a huge way.  They're the ones running late for the lobotomy.
2.  Sometimes, you do tend to stand out from the crowd - when you don't feel comfortable with what your mates/colleagues are doing/saying, it can seem like there's a bright fluro-coloured neon arrow aimed right at you. 

Now for the "pros":

1. To quote Aladdin and Jasmine,  "It's a whole new wooorrrllld". If you're like me, and come from a really dysfunctional background, to know that you are finally you are loved for who you are - warts and all.   And not just by the Lord - a sign of the true family of God is unconditional love to the best of their ability (bearing in mind that we ARE human, and we're NOT perfect).
2. You get to claim all the awesome promises of God.  And there are so many scattered all through His Word.
3. You just don't feel right doing the old stuff (meaning drugs, promiscuity, !@#$%^ language, porn, any old prejudices, etc) anymore - it's called "dying to self". 
4. There are some ROCKIN' Christian music artists!!  If you get the chance, check out Casting Crowns, DC Talk, Michael W Smith, Morgan Cryer... heeeaaappps more. So many of the old hymns are awesome, too.  And movies:  Flywheel, Facing The Giants, Courageous, Fireproof - all movies about real-life situations that can happen, and the difference that faith can make.
5. You have access to some of the best teachings ever - including some that may challenge your way of thinking, and make you look outside the square.

So is it worth it?  You betcha!! Like I said before, it's not all a walk in the park.  I've had people say to me, "I know you won't want to do that, cos you're religious".  If I was "religious", I'd be following every little so-called ritual e.g. "You must jump up and down 6 times and turn clockwise 3 times around the building before you can take Communion". Nuh-uh.  If someone tells you you HAVE to do stuff like that, ask them to back up with Scripture.  From the Bible - Old and/or New Testament, not some book that some so-called prophet wrote to add to it.  The only Sacraments that are God-ordained (i.e. - what Jesus did) are baptism and communion.  And the signs of a godly church are biblical teachings, church discipline, and they follow the Sacrements.  Anything else is man-made.  Someone says you can be rich?  Ask them to prove it with Scripture, and then remind them what Jesus said in Matthew 19:16-30.  I'm not a big fan of healing crusades, either, to be honest; everything happens according to God's will, and I'd rather see what He has in mind, than have someone try and work against Him.

OK, I'll get off my soap-box - for now.  There is so much more I could say, but I kinda like knowing that you folks out there in Blogspot land take the time to read my little warbles.  So I'll finish off with a quote from a wonderful old hymn written by a lady named Fanny Crosby (1823-1915):

To God be the glory, great things he hath done!

So loved He the world that He gave us His Son

Y'all come back now, y'hear?!

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—

and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV

Stone Walls

Over the last 15ish-odd years, I've noticed that even though I am a very private person, there are some things that my family have become quite open about.  These subjects tend to be around health issues - especially mental health.

Sometimes we cross paths with someone like Gertrude, who might let slip about how Fred has been  really down or withdrawn or "h-e-double-toothpicks to live with, 'cos he's just so moody and snappy."  Comments like these tend to get my lil ears pricked up, and I wait paitently for a chance to make polite enquiries.  "How nosy you are!!" you might say. Or perhaps, "leave them alone, why are you bothering them?"  The thing is, I've found that a lot of people like Gertrude are struggling to cope.  Or maybe Fred just doesn't know what's going on, or doesn't want to admit that there is a problem.

That's a big thing for both Fred and Gertrude, not to mention Mum, Dad and the other friends and/or family members who deal with them on a sometimes daily basis. And because we've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and wore it out, it's something that we can greatly identify with.

It's just over a year ago that my wonderful hubby came out of a very dark depressive episode.  It's a place he'd been to a few times since his late teens/early twenties, but this was the worse one, resulting from a culmination of events builing up over a period of time.  I won't go into great details here, but his recovery journey involved medication changes, Crisis Team intervention and respite, and on-going support and treatment from our Community Mental Health Team.  Not to mention, a great deal of concern and worry for his friends and family, and a few more additions to my extra grey hair collection (although I recently heard them referred to as "blossoms on the almond trees before they reach full bloom").  During this time, we had a huge amount of support from our families, friends and especially our church family.  And of course, our Heavenly Father.  I'm extremely relieved and happy to state that he is now so much better, although occasionally I find myself watching for warning signs.

HOWEVER there are a few things/approaches that just DO NOT WORK when dealing with people going through things like this.  Let's start with:
"There is no such thing as depression":-  Oh yes, there jolly well is!! How did they come up with THAT cockamamie idea?!  While we haven't encountered this one ourselves, we have heard that there are some people around who think that it's a matter of unresolved sin, and if you just truly repent all will be well again, tra-la-la hip-hoorah.  Or something else along those lines.
Or, "It's all in your head":-  well, duh - mental health, hello????

And then there's the good ol "Why don't you just get over it already? You don't have to be such a sour puss all the time!!  Other people are worse off than you."  Believe me, they'd love nothing better, but it just doesn't work like that.  Sorry, folks. If anything, these tactics have the potential to make things a whole lot worse, and our already struggling loved one can start feeling like they're a burden, no-one wants me around, why should I bother, etc... 

One big thing we have learnt is that the first step to recovery from almost ANY difficult situation is admitting there's a problem in the first place.  And that can be a toughie.  Another lesson is, "let yourself feel however you feel".  Let's face it - in the grander scheme of things, your struggle may seem quite insignificant when compared to 3rd world problems. But in your own world, it's a huge thing that's happening to you, and it's important to deal with it. 

Look at it this way.  We all have our own little world, which may involve abuse from others, or addictions issues, or loneliness, or any other spectre.  Sure, we may be miserable, but at least it's familiar territory.  Around us, there's a big stone wall, and we have no idea what's on the other side.  We've been up on the top of the wall, but can't see anything.  "Ooh, scary! Don't wanna go there, gonna fall flat on my face, things will be worse, I'll just stay in my own little miserable comfort zone."  Like I said before, taking the first step of anything new is tough.  We don't know if anyone's going to take our hand or break our fall.


BUT we don't know if we don't try, right?  And someone IS there to take your hand and guide you.  It may be totally unexpected, but there is definitely someone waiting for you.  


Our stone walls can be anything; this isn't just about mental health issues, it can apply to almost any experience that brings you down and leaves you feeling less than human, or lower than a snake's belly.  I have had to step off a few stone walls of my own, so I do know what it can be like.

You ARE important, you ARE valuable, and you DO matter to someone.  Maybe you haven't felt that way for a very long time, but I can assure you that you are. Just remember - walls work two ways:  they can keep the world OUT, but they also keep the world from knowing what makes you such a special and wonderful person. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone.  In fact, let me take that one step further:  feel free to reach out to me, if you like, via comments.  I'm not a mental health clinician, I'm just someone who's been on both sides of more than one coin in life.
 

                                                              "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..."
                                                                                                                          - Joel 2:25(a)