What To Do, What To Do?

When it comes to making decisions, I've yet to come across anyone who's a better ditherer than me.  Seriously.  It doesn't matter whether it's Do I Want A Snack With My Latte?; What Snack Shall I Have?; Do I Want This Brand, Or Shall I Try That Once 'Cos It's Cheaper?; these can be very big choices to make.

I'm sure I've frustrated (and amused) a fair few people over the years - not to mention, myself - with my wonderful indecisive skills:
"What fragrance do you like?"  That's easy - I'm a sucker for Jasmine and Vanilla - not the sickly cheap stuff, though.  Least fave?  Lavender.
"What's your favourite colour?" Now, that's NOT so easy.  It depends on the context; are we talking roses? That can get very complex - not fussed on plain red ones, but I am quite partial to pastel shades, or fiery sunsets, or deep blood red ones.
Anything else, like clothes, or just plain colours in general - nah, let's not go there just now.
A pearler of a question that gets thrown around at interviews:  "How would you react in this particular kind of situation?"  I know how I would LIKE to react.  In the past I have handled it in such-and-such a way, but I don't know for sure until I'm IN that particular kind of situation, because every time can be different.  

But in the grander scheme of things, there are other decisions to be made:  how will we choose to respond in different situations?  Such as, "I know Fred really won't be happy if I buy this little skull-and-crossbones jewellery box to go with the other 2,351 I've got at home, and we REALLY don't have the spare $350 for it... but it's just SOOO adorable!!"  So you buy it, and sure enough, Fred really isn't happy - for the stated reasons.

And then there's some biggies.  "I know my underage child's equally underage friends drink alcohol, and there's a high chance that could happen while he/she's there.  Do I let them go, or shall I be the proverbial stick-in-the-mud, and say No You're Not Going, I'm Going To Keep You Safe From The World"; "You only have your learner's licence, you are NOT going out driving with your friends at 11 o'clock on Friday night!" "But, Mum - everyone does it!!"

And there it is.  The good ol' "everyone does it" phrase that our kids love to throw at us.  But just because "everyone else" does it doesn't make it right.  That is one thing that DP (hopefully) took on board whilst growing up.

We shouldn't have to go along with the crowd, and with so-called societal values, just to make everyone around us happy, or to be cool.**  General rule of thumb:  if it doesn't feel right, and it goes against your morals and principles - don't do it.  The kids may gripe and moan, and maybe call you all the names under the sun (I have so been on the receiving end of that!),  but no matter how bad you may feel about it - it's so important that we stick to our guns - as long as the focus is to keep people safe.  "About the only thing a man can really call his own are his values" - Col. S Potter, MASH 4077.  We still need to let our kids grow, and experience life (within reason), so that they can learn to make their own good decisions; if we don't, they can tend to run riot a bit and end up in all sorts of situations. 

I have an interesting situation at the moment, where someone felt I was snubbing them - for 3 months.  It got to the stage where this person even spoke to a counsellor friend.  The thing is - I wasn't snubbing anyone!  It was a time where things were happening, and I may been distracted, or changing directions, or some such thing.  Around about the same time, a mutual aquaintance wanted to play a practical joke on this same person, but I cautioned them against it, because I knew they were not in a good place at the time.  That's all I said.  This person decided that I was blabbing about their personal business, and they'd been subjected to that too many times, and that's it - no more trusting people, thank you very much. The sad thing about it is that (a) I didn't blab - no details about anything were revealed - and (b) when they finally told me about both issues, the subject was not open for discussion. "It doesn't matter anymore, I'm over it now" was the response I got when trying to broach it.  A friendship down the tubes.

So now I'm in the awkward position of trying to figure out what to do.  From a Christian perspective, the Bible says to turn the other cheek; love your enemies; forgive and forget; and before trying to take the splinter from our brother's eye, to remove the log from your own eye.  From a human perspective, it's like "what the h-e-double-toothpick just happened here??  Did someone get the details of that tank that just ran over me??"

We're not responsible for other people's reactions.  Ultimately, I know that how this person chooses to respond is a matter of their perception, and their decision.  That doen't make it hurt any less, though. Dilemma, dilemma...

A friend of mine had a very good way of stopping me in my tracks when I was in the middle of a rant.  He'd calmly listen, and when I took a breather, he would say to me, "... where does it fit into the greater scheme of things?"  I can still hear him, and see his grin when he knew he'd taken the wind out of my sails.  But he's right.  I found it a useful yardstick many times.

But no matter what path or options we choose, there is always one thing we need to bear in mind:  we'd better be prepared for the outcomes that inevitably follow.  If I choose the piece of White Chocolate Oaty Caramel Slice to go with the Single Shot Latte with Trim Milk and 1 Stevia, then there's a good chance it will blow my healthy eating regime for the week and have an insidious weight gain (especially if I indulge in my weaknesses for PASTRY and CHOCOLATE).

When our friends/loved ones are going through trials, we can choose to get along side them and take their problems on in a personal way (been there, done that); we can distance ourselves and watch them struggle and/or sink (especially if it seems to be an on-going saga); or we can let them know we are there for them to help in anyway we can, BUT don't do everything for them - let them take the lead.


"If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always got."  OR, we could dare to be different and check out what else life has to offer :-)

Y'all come back now, y'hear ?!    xoxo








(** Feel free to check out "Who Says Society Says" for more on this topic, if you haven't already)