This month marked another one of those annual happenings that we all have... I had another birthday. So what better time for a spot of reflection, I thought to myself. Why not, indeed!
The day itself was relatively quiet. WookieeMan knows that anything Harry Potter or WWE (within reason) makes for a happy Goofy, and my birthday was no exception. I can now count a Gryffindor scarf (even though I'm Hufflepuff - who cares, it's HP) and Shawn Michaels' autobiography among my possessions. Yuss!
It also marked three months since my return visit to the State of Unemployment, and there has been a marked improvement in that time. If I can see it, then there's gotta be summat there.
That doesn't mean that it's all good now. Last week has been a bit tough. The "suit" came on again when I went out with DP one day, but fortunately didn't stay on all day, though. We went to a lifestyle expo, and had a good walk around but didn't spend much (which was fortunate, as I didn't have the funds needed for all the glorious gadgets, gizmos and goo that I would have brought home otherwise).
To be honest, earlier in the week I came very close to not going. Some anxiety and downness reared their ugly heads again, but this time I was a bit more prepared; once or twice I gave in to the urge to hibernate a bit and nap, which was not necessarily a bad thing. The rest of the time, I pulled up the big-girl britches and carried on through it.
A couple of realisations came out of it, though:
1 - A chat with WM helped me realise that I need to pick up the pace around home a bit more, and be more productive. I sure started off with a hiss and a raw 3 months ago, but that didn't last - DARN it.
2 - I'm feeling a bit of social isolation. I especially am missing our church family, as we haven't been for a few weeks. I feel it when I'm out and about, and suddenly start trying to think of someone I could go and visit. I read this week that even if you don't really feel up to it, that can be one of the great times to hang out with someone else; it gives you something else to focus on. It especially works well if it's someone who "gets" it - someone who won't look at you sideways if there are periods of silence, because they know you value each other's company, especially in the struggles.
On the job front, I have applied for a few in the last few months. I got one interview, but was unsuccessful; sent out a few expression of interest emails and CVs to some organisations that I wouldn't mind working with - some got back to me, some didn't (typical, but then you get that with the big - and small - jobs).
When I was at the expo, there was a company promoting their business, which happens to be community support work - which coincidentally is the field I am looking to get into. So, me being me, I bowled on up and mentioned that I'm looking for work as a support worker. I was given the coordinator's card and invited to call in and see her for a chat. I took the chance to email my CV to her over the weekend, and the upshot is I go and see her for an interview this week. Bonus!
So... at the end of the day, what have I learnt/discovered so far on this journey?
- The Black Dog sucks! But he doesn't rule the roost around here.
- Even if you think it's going to take so long to get through this and come out the other end - if you ever do -, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Because your mind and brain, just like other parts of your body, need time to heel. Depression and anxiety are not a small thing. Together or apart, they are illnesses. And you can't just ignore an illness and carry on as though everything is just peachy keen, jelly bean. GIVE YOURSELF TIME!